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Premium Member
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5,494 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Let me preface this story by saying I didn't see a single hot chick today. Not one. Anywhere. Albuquerque sucks my fucking shit balls fuck shit. Well, the weather is nice, I guess. I hear the Internet has hot chicks, too. Google "hot naked sluts that want to bang me today" and you'll get some decent results! True story. But we all know the Internet is not real. Fuck.

Anyway, I go to work today and am told we're getting laid off in 30 days (or less). Eh. I knew it was coming. No big deal. Shit happens. Unemployement! Vacation! It's all good. But little did I know the shit has yet to poke it's little turtle head out...

I'm sitting there at work thinking, "Damn. There was something I forgot to do yesterday. Hmm. Uh. Oh! That's right! I was supposed to go to trial for my suspended license yesterday at 8:30am! Well that's good. Guess I better go to court today."

So I go to court and wait amongst the company of some "real" OGs. No, you don't understand. These motherfuckers has "Our Lady of Guadalupe" tattoo's on their chests and XVIII on their arms and everything. I stuck out like a fat chick at a Playboy party.



Looks like the OGs are just about to beat my ass when...finally, my number is called! Saved by the bell! Speaking of "saved by the bell," oh man. Kelly Kapowski...



I think I got my first boner EVER while watching that show. And her douche bag ****** ass boyfriend, Zack?! Could there have been more faggotry in that hair?!



Jesus Christ! Guaranteed when he was nailing his chick from behind and donkey punching her she was screaming, "Oh! Keith..I mean Zack! Oh yes! Zack!" That's right. BIG POPPA EN SU CASA YOU LITTLE SLUT! Hey Zack, yo chick wants to smell MY dick, bitch! Has anyone heard that song "Smell Yo Dick"?! It's fucking ridiculous:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC8GTmX2G5w"]YouTube - (OFFICIAL VID) Riskay Feat. Aviance and Real - Smell Yo Dick[/ame]

Edit: Song without video, embedding disabled. You should still watch the video, though. :lol:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkD1xmc8c4Y"]YouTube - The Most Stupid Song Ever Riskay-Smell yo Dick[/ame]

But anyway. Back to my story. I go to court and walk up to the counter...

Court lady: So now you have a warrant. Can you post bond now?
Me: Uh. Wait. Wut?
Court lady: You have a warrant. Can you post bond?
Me: Um. Wut? Wut's bond?
Court lady: It's $500. Can you pay it now?
Me: I don't wanna pay $500.
Court lady: It's either that or go to jail.
Me: Um.
BCSO: Hi there.
Me: Hi. Who are you?
BCSO: I'm here to arrest you.
Me: LOL Wait. Wut?
Me: How did you know I'm here? Do I look like a criminal or something?
BCSO: They notified me.
BCSO: (standing there)
Me: (standing there)
Me: Notified you? Like how?
BCSO: They just did.
Me: (standing there)
Me: Do you take plastic?
Court lady: Credit or debit...
Me: Debit.
Me: What's it like in jail, anyway?
BCSO: I've never been.
Me: Me neither.
Court lady: Ok, you've bonded. Here's a gigantic stack of paperwork for you! Now your license is suspended again and you have a new court date! Back to the DMV for you!
Me: Awesome.
BCSO: Have a good day. (walks off)

I go to the DMV and their records haven't updated to show that my license is suspended, so I have to call to find out when it gets suspended. Who knows when. Nobody knows. Not even the bitch at the DMV knows. I could call and verify my license is fine one day, go for a drive to pickup some slutty hookers that give great blowjobs, and get a suspended license on the way back to the motel room! Awesome. I love hookers.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

FUCK!!!

Thanks for playing.
 

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5th Gear
Joined
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2,026 Posts
You really need to seek help on your ADD, Keith... lol

Great story though, but sorry you allowed yourself to get in this situation... :banghead: :beer::beer::beer::beer:
 

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LSX EVERYTHING
Joined
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7,517 Posts
Damn, one fucking day late and it's pay $500 or go get all kinds of cocks rammed up your ass. What is the Justice system coming to? Sorry you had to pay $500 bucks man, that sucks. And there really aren't any hot sluts wanting to bang me in Japan either so don't feel bad...(I don't like Asian's)
 

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LSX EVERYTHING
Joined
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7,517 Posts
Oh yea +REP!!!! I lol'd

EDIT: NVM I guess I just keep reppin the same fools and it tells me to go spread the shit around. whatevs...
 

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Premium Member
Joined
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5,494 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Damn, one fucking day late and it's pay $500 or go get all kinds of cocks rammed up your ass. What is the Justice system coming to? Sorry you had to pay $500 bucks man, that sucks. And there really aren't any hot sluts wanting to bang me in Japan either so don't feel bad...(I don't like Asian's)
Oh, they wanna bang you. They just don't it yet. :playa:
 

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HA! HA!
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115 Posts
Full of suck! Just think about how much marijuana you could have bought with $500.00!!! I would know, and it's a LOT!:pimp: Sorry, brotha!:frown2:
 

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FUCK FOURLOKO!!
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10,258 Posts
I don't really know how that system works but don't you get 90% of that back when you show up to your court date? Still, sounds like a hell of a day.
 

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Panda the Destroyer
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2,839 Posts
$500 thats rediculous last time i had a warrant for traffic it was $100 dollars, ive had 2 before and they both were that amount so idk wtf your shit was all about
 

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LSX EVERYTHING
Joined
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7,517 Posts
$500 thats rediculous last time i had a warrant for traffic it was $100 dollars, ive had 2 before and they both were that amount so idk wtf your shit was all about
Same here. Bench warrants for not showing up at your court date are normally $100. Contempt of court I guess.
 

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Banned
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2,987 Posts
I am sorry to read about your misfortune... but damnit how can you forget you had to be in court??? Well, it happens..... you are young and full of health, it'll be good...
 

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E85 veteran
Joined
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2,739 Posts
Wow that sucks. Get ready for the DMV and police fiasco. I remember I got my license suspended for the same thing and it was irritating as all hell to get it sorted out.

I can now join you in unemployment, I got laid off today also.
 
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