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hello occifer
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24 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
saw this somewhere else, thought i'd post it for some laughs.





Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's A$$ and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
 

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FUCK FOURLOKO!!
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10,258 Posts
hahahahaha Seriously what did the stupid woman expect. But why can't you shop there anymore? Surely wal-mart wouldn't ban you for a joke...
 

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LSX EVERYTHING
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7,517 Posts
hahahahaha Seriously what did the stupid woman expect. But why can't you shop there anymore? Surely wal-mart wouldn't ban you for a joke...
Walley World is Anal about who they let shop there. I mean come on, all I did was walk out with a couple subwoofers and a stereo, and somehow I forgot to stop at the cash register on my way out. I mean yea I was hiding the stereo in my pants and had the subs in a duffle bag but I had every intention to pay for them!!!:secret:

And now I am banned from every Wal-Mart in the world for my entire lifetime...No more slave labor low prices for me! shucks
 

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FUCK FOURLOKO!!
Joined
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10,258 Posts
Walley World is Anal about who they let shop there. I mean come on, all I did was walk out with a couple subwoofers and a stereo, and somehow I forgot to stop at the cash register on my way out. I mean yea I was hiding the stereo in my pants and had the subs in a duffle bag but I had every intention to pay for them!!!:secret:

And now I am banned from every Wal-Mart in the world for my entire lifetime...No more slave labor low prices for me! shucks
I got you beat. I stole one piece of gum out of a pack, walked around the store and went to leave. Damn near got tackled by a large woman. Took my gum as evidence out of my mouth and took me and the lady friend I was with (apparently she was my partner in crime) to the back and hounded us. I laughed at her in her face which made matters even better. Cops showed up and everything. Luckily my friends mother was acting manager and helped in getting us released somewhat quickly. I to am banned from every wal mart in the world for life....... FOR A PIECE OF GUM
 

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9 Second Street Machine
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5,127 Posts
Banned for life from all Wal-Marts and Sam's clubs in the world!!

That has got to be some large ass database.
 

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I GOT BOOST FOR DAYS
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86 Posts
damn right i got a pretty good laugh when it said that he stepped off the curb to sniff an irish setters ass and they both got hit by a car. good stuff right here
 

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LSX EVERYTHING
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7,517 Posts
I got you beat. I stole one piece of gum out of a pack, walked around the store and went to leave. Damn near got tackled by a large woman. Took my gum as evidence out of my mouth and took me and the lady friend I was with (apparently she was my partner in crime) to the back and hounded us. I laughed at her in her face which made matters even better. Cops showed up and everything. Luckily my friends mother was acting manager and helped in getting us released somewhat quickly. I to am banned from every wal mart in the world for life....... FOR A PIECE OF GUM
:lol: Wow that is ridiculous! Yea I got tackled and cuffed by a freaking plain clothes officer, who apparently was following me since the moment I walked into the store. Dude Wal-Mart doesnt Fuck around when it comes to security!!!! A piece of gum wow.:gay2:
 
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